Author Archive

24
Mar

Una’s little world 15. Fighting

          by Una Hearne. We talk in terms of fighting illness/ obesity/ drugs/ redundancies etc. Fighting can be a brilliant frame of mind. I have a friend who had cancer and approached it as a battle. With military efficiency she fought, she won and we couldn't be more pleased and proud of her. However, fighting is not always the right frame. It depends on the situation and what works for you as a person. For me, facing ME/CFS, I find the most useful frame of mind for me is the very opposite of fighting - ...

24
Feb

Una’s little world 14. Guilt

          by Una Hearne. If you did something wrong or hurt someone deliberately - Ok go ahead, feel guilty. On the other hand if you are indulging in Ridiculous Guilt, pull your chair in closer and pin back your shell like... Ridiculous Guilt is inappropriate or misplaced. It is self-destructive and a huge energy cost. Guilt is directly related to how responsible we feel and while taking responsibility is obviously a good thing... it can become Ridiculous. Mothers, for example, from the moment of birth seem to gain an unlimited capacity for Ridiculous Guilt. Like: "My ...

24
Jan

Una’s little world 13. Judgement

        by Una Hearne. Beth had two goals for the year. She set them the day she was diagnosed with cancer and told that her full time job for the year would be treatment. Her goals were: 1) Beat cancer 2) Spend as much time as possible with her sister who was getting married in September. They had always shared everything and Beth was not going to miss out on this. In between Chemo days, when Beth was well enough, she and her sister spent days planning, discussing and giggling. They went dress and ...

24
Dec

          by Una Hearne. Like that hug when you feel utterly safe and loved. Or that moment when someone stands up for you and you know they will always have your back. Or the belly laughs you share with your best friends over something daft. The little things really are the big things. Which they can't be bought. Just saying. Thinking about belly laughs brought a couple of incidents back from the distant past. They happened because of two ME/CFS symptoms, which just goes to show - silver linings! Not that I'm making light these symptoms ...

24
Nov

by Una Hearne. I've noticed a certain weariness when these subjects come up. We have heard rather a lot about them recently, much of it on the evangelical side - which can be a turn off. In an effort to rescue their reputations as simple natural practices, I'd like to point out that we already practice mindfulness and meditation all the time. We might not use those names or conform to specific rituals - and while we can learn from great teachers and masters (personally I'm grateful to Oprah, Deepak Chopra and Eckhart ...

24
Oct

        by Una Hearne. Here's a universal law: What works for one person won't necessarily work for another. In all areas of life there is common sense stuff that works for most of us but- there are no absolutes and no guarantees. You are the world expert on you, nobody knows you like you do. You are the only person qualified to make life/ relationship/ work/ health choices for you. You're welcome/ I'm sorry! Beware of 'experts' selling you answers, especially when there is no science behind them. In the ME/CFS world there are plenty of ...

24
Sep

Una’s little world 9. The Status Trap

            by Una Hearne. In a break from me and M.E., (was that a hallelujah from the chorus?)(Rude!). I want to talk about limiting beliefs, specifically, beliefs around status. Two people I know - pioneers and my heroes - were successful business owners and professionals. The recession brought an end to both businesses some years ago. Both people felt at a loose end for a while and then both took jobs well below what would be perceived as their former status and abilities. It is the equivalent of a doctor retiring after 30 years ...

24
Aug

Una’s little world 8. OK – New Plan!

        by Una Hearne. (Every time I talk about plans or visions or goals I feel the need to preface it with this: Don't get caught up in the words - if you don't relate to the word Vision, substitute in your mind whatever word works best for you, dream, strategy, objective... OK? Thanks :-)) So you put the work in and figured out what you want in life. You have a big Vision and a Plan. You are barrelling along making your dream life / job / relationship happen when, wham, all of ...

24
Jul

      by Una Hearne. There's this old zen proverb: Once upon a time there was an old farmer who had worked his land for many years. One day his horse ran away. When the neighbours heard they said sympathetically 'Such bad luck!'. 'Perhaps' said the farmer. The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it two wild horses. 'What great luck!' the neighbours exclaimed. 'Perhaps' replied the farmer. The following day, his son tried to ride one of the wild horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The ...

24
Jun

Una’s little world 6. Who loves ya baby?

by Una Hearne. That title is for my generation! Sorry to all for whom it is a mystery, I couldn't resist. :-) So, I was pasted to my couch on a bad ME/CFS day, feeling sorry for myself. 'What exactly,' I thought to myself 'is the point of my life if I can't do the work I love. Of what use am I to anyone?' Unbidden, an image of one of my heart friends popped into my mind. I saw her lying on a couch and this question came to mind: 'If she ...

24
May

Una’s little world 5. Self-care

      by Una Hearne. Proper self-care is a necessary life skill. You need to put yourself first on your list. If you can't accept that on the basis that you are a fabulous human being and deserve it - then at least accept it on the logical basis that it is better for you and for the people around you. Here's the logic: We experience the most joy, reward and sustained happiness when we contribute our best to the world and share with other people. (Check this out with your own experience). We can ...

24
Apr

  by Una Hearne. Boundaries exist in every relationship in the world. Usually unspoken and often unclear. Yet we know for sure when they are crossed. We feel it. Everyday we face boundary choices in relationships. In a conflict, how do I know who is right? Should I help every person who asks me? Is it ok for me to ask for help?  Is this behaviour acceptable to me, in this situation, with this person? Should I compromise? Always? Never? NEWS FLASH... You own your own life. You get to make these decisions for yourself. You're ...

24
Mar

by Una Hearne. Human beings are hardwired to dislike uncertainty. Our Amygdala triggers our Fight/Flight/Freeze stress response when it senses a threat. And it assumes anything unknown is a threat. This was useful in prehistoric times when the unknown could be an immediate and deadly threat. Nowadays, we don't often face deadly threats. Yet the pace of change in our world means our future is ever more unpredictable - unknown - and our brains often settle into a permanent stress response. I was lucky enough to experience this fairly intensely when I worked in Anglo ...

24
Feb

by Una Hearne. 'IT'S NOT FAIR!' 'IT SHOULDN'T BE HAPPENING TO ME!!'  You wouldn't blame me for thinking this since I am currently obliged to spend 20 hours a day lying down and I can only do a fraction of the things I want to. I wouldn't blame you for thinking the same about problems you might be facing: money, work, health or relationships ('THEY SHOULDN'T BE TREATING ME THIS WAY!') Understandable thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately, this is called resistance. Resistance to the reality you find yourself in. It's the opposite of ...

24
Jan

by Una Hearne. You know when the train of your life derails and you are picking your way through the wreckage, trying to figure out what happens next? Welcome to Una's little world 2018! I started Una's Little World blog in February 2015 to share the story of turning Visions (goals/ dreams/ plans) into reality, using examples from my own life. It has only been available to email subscribers up till now, but I'm making it my main blog this year so it will be available publicly as well. It has been great sharing successful visions. ...

24
Dec

88 The biggest mistake in job hunting

by Una Hearne. So many clients, so many times I've heard 'I don't have time to figure out my Vision, I need a job NOW!!' People in terrible jobs, desperate to move on, people not working and panicking about getting any job. I totally understand this thinking - been there myself.  A few times. The problem with this thinking is it leads to slow progress and is very often unsuccessful. It seems counter intuitive, but putting the time and effort into identifying clearly what you actually want is a much faster and more successful way to get into ...

24
Nov

87 Judge much?

by Una Hearne. Judging and criticising other people comes from deep insecurity about ourselves. Now, I'm not talking about judging people appropriately for violence or abuse, that's a different matter. I'm talking about judging and criticising others for stuff that's none of our business to judge them for. For example: their opinions; thoughts; looks; habits; choices; background; actions... Ringing any bells? I noticed this with a group of mothers recently. I'm not picking on mothers, it's an example of something which is rampant across all our lives. So this group of moms discussed every aspect of child rearing and what their ...

24
Oct

86 What doesn’t matter?

by Una Hearne. How much money you have. How many friends you have in reality, or on facebook. Failure. Success. Your qualifications or experience. Your children's achievements. What you look like. How nice your home or your car is. What other people think of you. How long it takes you to do anything. Whether you are in love and/or have a partner. Your holidays. Your work. The state of your health. How many obstacles your perceive and overcome. Your level of confidence and self belief. Whether you have a dream and whether it manifests. I could go on...   Are you arguing with me in your head? Have I upset you? Excellent, read ...

24
Sep

85 Forgive everybody – for everything

by Una Hearne. The title is a quote from Iyanla Vanzant from her forgiveness course. (Excellent course, not for the faint hearted! Available through www.oprah.com). Forgiveness is one of the hardest lessons we have to learn in life. It is also one of the most rewarding to master. Here's what I've learned about forgiveness so far: Forgiveness IS NOT for the benefit of the other person (or people). It is for you, it gives you back your power, energy, peace of mind and freedom. Forgiving someone does NOT mean you are condoning or endorsing their behaviour in ...

24
Jul

84 Can you have it all?

by Una Hearne. Well... NO! Sorry, but we have to stop this nonsense. Superwoman and Superman are cartoons not role models. The fact is, it is not possible for one person, certainly in the developed world, to avail of all the opportunities, to do and have everything potentially available to them. We have such a range of choice and opportunity now, we can study anything, set up our personal lives any way we want, have multiple careers, indulge in a huge variety of leisure interests, volunteer in any number of roles... It's fantastic and not ...

24
Jun

83 There’s nothing wrong with money

by Una Hearne. Our beliefs about money and ourselves are reflected in the state of our finances. Our abilities to earn, spend and save. (Oh no!!!) A large part of our belief system comes from the family and culture we were brought up in. We will often follow patterns that we have experienced around us (or rebel and do the opposite). For example, if you believe rich people are inherently bad or horrible people, you will subconsciously prevent yourself from becoming one of them. On the other hand, if you believe poor people are ...

24
May

82 The half life of facts

by Una Hearne. On a rerun of the sublime TV show QI  (don't you just love Stephen Fry and Alan Davies?) they were talking about the 'half life of facts'. That is, how half of the 'facts' that medical students learn in college will be considered to be untrue in 10 or 12 years time. And how facts given on QI itself are just as subject to contrary proof over time. We like to think that scientific facts are in fact, facts - and to some extent they are - but they are constantly changing ...

24
Apr

81 How to set good boundaries

by Una Hearne. Setting good boundaries with other people is about honouring yourself - recognising you are as valuable and worthy as everyone else. Are you the type who always says yes - likes to do anything for anyone? We are hardwired to help each other - survival and flourishing for humans has always meant collaborating. Wanting to help and support others is a wonderful impulse and is good for everyone. When we help others we feel great, right up to the point where it is inappropriate or is taking too much from us. Then we feel ...

24
Mar

80 Job hunting and running a business

by Una Hearne. With the disappearance of most permanent, or at any rate, life long jobs, many more people are having to come to terms with job hunting on a regular basis. I've been coaching people for 8 years, job hunters and entrepreneurs amongst others. The similarities between the process of getting a job and running a business are interesting. What do you think?   You have to know yourself and your product/service/offering inside out. People buy you as much as what you are offering. They want to know how you can make their life better. ...

24
Feb

79 Mind reading much?

by Una Hearne. So many people still assume that everyone that other people experience life in much the same way they do, thinks like they do, and feels the same as they do. Couldn't be more wrong really. We each sense, interpret and experience the world in a completely unique way. When other people say or do something in a way we wouldn't have, we are shocked! They appear to be some kind of alien. "How can you say that?" "Why would anyone do that?" I am very fond of saying 'Other people are aliens. And. ...

24
Jan

78 Not living the dream yet?

by Una Hearne. So, if you know my work, you'll know it's all about living our best lives. I'm all about re-connecting with who you really are and what you really want. And making Visions and plans to create the best life you can experience. I also talk a lot about gratitude, about being grateful for everything we already have. I am sometimes asked if this is a contradiction "If I'm happy now, won't I just sit back and not bother doing anything else?" As if unhappiness is the only motivator for doing anything! Unhappiness ...

24
Dec

by Una Hearne In many of my talks and workshops I deal with the idea of being able to speak positively and confidently about yourself. I talk about building real inner confidence to make this possible. At some point I am always asked if this isn't arrogance or won't it seem like arrogance. Well no, it's not. There is a massive difference. Real confidence in yourself is based on understanding the truth of how fabulous you really are (You are, I've checked). The confusion between arrogance and confidence arises because some insecure people - who are ...

24
Nov

76 Of course you know about business finance!

by Una Hearne. Ok, so if you want to start your own small business but you think the whole financial side is beyond you... listen up! For the vast majority of you reading this - it is not beyond you. Most small business owners are not natural accountants and don't like the figures. However, it is essential you understand the figures in your business. You can delegate the work if you can afford it, but you still must understand what is going on with the numbers - ignorance can be bliss but can also lose ...

24
Oct

75 Who are you, now?

by Una Hearne. Who are you? Right now, today? This is a core question in personal development. The foundation of all coaching is who are you and what do you want? Self knowledge and awareness grounds you. To know who you are and what you stand for means that in turbulent times you can navigate your life with confidence. It means in the midst of chaos you can make the best choices for yourself. Everyone experiences times of success and times of turbulence. Those who know and love themselves fare better, they adapt more easily ...

24
Sep

74 How do you compare?

by Una Hearne. It is in our nature as human beings, to compare ourselves to other people. We live in relation to others. Observing how other people behave, what they have and what they achieve can galvanise us into learning, action and achievement for our own benefit. For example we can be influenced by another person's character and develop our own kindness, leadership, professionalism etc. Or we can be motivated to go out and get something we see other people have or to try new things. When we are inspired by comparison to improve our own quality ...