by Una Hearne. You know that situation where someone close to you is dealing with something big? Bereavement, divorce, job loss, illness... You want to help, you really want to say the right thing. But either you have no idea what to say, or anything you say seems to be wrong and makes things worse! There is no magic answer. Sorry! Everyone is different, needs different things and you are not psychic. And that's OK. Some of us want to talk, some don't. Some want to melt down and sob, some want to ...
by Una Hearne. We all want balance in our lives, it's the modern holy grail. Today I want to talk about the balance between positive and negative thinking, and what we all think we do - 'realistic' thinking. When we say we are being realistic we are usually being pessimistic. Whenever I did talks about positive thinking I asked my audience if it was 'realistic' to say it would rain tomorrow (statistically more likely to rain). Everyone's hand would go up, after all, it's always raining in Ireland! However this is not true on ...
by Una Hearne. Following from last month... Day two of our survival trek The increasing awareness that the wind battering us was going to be in our faces on the way down was a little distracting on the way up. By the time we reached the top, which we knew because we reached a rock - there were no other clues in the darkness and dense low cloud - the sun was rising. We inferred this from the grey light which began, surprising rapidly, if dimly, to illuminate the ground. The organisers wisely decided not ...
by Una Hearne. In a blatant act of self-care I am saving myself writing two blogs this year and instead recounting an epic adventure from 2013 in two parts. Enjoy... My friend Sinead and I (joint name Shinuna) have been on many roadtrips - generally to Spas to be pampered. In May 2013 we thought we'd do something different and raise money for the Red Cross by signing up for the Sunrise Challenge. A stroll up a mountain, fresh air and the mystical splendour of sunrise. Lovely. I'm not sure what caused this ...
by Una Hearne. For years I have been advocating the importance of celebration. Celebrating success certainly, but more importantly celebrating the action you take and the effort you put in to life. This builds real, lasting confidence. (See blog 10 Count a Victory for more on this.) Imagine my surprise when I discovered I wasn't practising what I preach? Yes - no surprise at all :-) Back in 2017 I was doing some counselling to help me come to terms with having a chronic illness (practising what I preach about getting the help ...
by Una Hearne. We talk in terms of fighting illness/ obesity/ drugs/ redundancies etc. Fighting can be a brilliant frame of mind. I have a friend who had cancer and approached it as a battle. With military efficiency she fought, she won and we couldn't be more pleased and proud of her. However, fighting is not always the right frame. It depends on the situation and what works for you as a person. For me, facing ME/CFS, I find the most useful frame of mind for me is the very opposite of fighting - ...
by Una Hearne. If you did something wrong or hurt someone deliberately - Ok go ahead, feel guilty. On the other hand if you are indulging in Ridiculous Guilt, pull your chair in closer and pin back your shell like... Ridiculous Guilt is inappropriate or misplaced. It is self-destructive and a huge energy cost. Guilt is directly related to how responsible we feel and while taking responsibility is obviously a good thing... it can become Ridiculous. Mothers, for example, from the moment of birth seem to gain an unlimited capacity for Ridiculous Guilt. Like: "My ...
by Una Hearne. Beth had two goals for the year. She set them the day she was diagnosed with cancer and told that her full time job for the year would be treatment. Her goals were: 1) Beat cancer 2) Spend as much time as possible with her sister who was getting married in September. They had always shared everything and Beth was not going to miss out on this. In between Chemo days, when Beth was well enough, she and her sister spent days planning, discussing and giggling. They went dress and ...
by Una Hearne. Like that hug when you feel utterly safe and loved. Or that moment when someone stands up for you and you know they will always have your back. Or the belly laughs you share with your best friends over something daft. The little things really are the big things. Which they can't be bought. Just saying. Thinking about belly laughs brought a couple of incidents back from the distant past. They happened because of two ME/CFS symptoms, which just goes to show - silver linings! Not that I'm making light these symptoms ...
by Una Hearne. I've noticed a certain weariness when these subjects come up. We have heard rather a lot about them recently, much of it on the evangelical side - which can be a turn off. In an effort to rescue their reputations as simple natural practices, I'd like to point out that we already practice mindfulness and meditation all the time. We might not use those names or conform to specific rituals - and while we can learn from great teachers and masters (personally I'm grateful to Oprah, Deepak Chopra and Eckhart ...
by Una Hearne. Here's a universal law: What works for one person won't necessarily work for another. In all areas of life there is common sense stuff that works for most of us but- there are no absolutes and no guarantees. You are the world expert on you, nobody knows you like you do. You are the only person qualified to make life/ relationship/ work/ health choices for you. You're welcome/ I'm sorry! Beware of 'experts' selling you answers, especially when there is no science behind them. In the ME/CFS world there are plenty of ...
by Una Hearne. In a break from me and M.E., (was that a hallelujah from the chorus?)(Rude!). I want to talk about limiting beliefs, specifically, beliefs around status. Two people I know - pioneers and my heroes - were successful business owners and professionals. The recession brought an end to both businesses some years ago. Both people felt at a loose end for a while and then both took jobs well below what would be perceived as their former status and abilities. It is the equivalent of a doctor retiring after 30 years ...
by Una Hearne. (Every time I talk about plans or visions or goals I feel the need to preface it with this: Don't get caught up in the words - if you don't relate to the word Vision, substitute in your mind whatever word works best for you, dream, strategy, objective... OK? Thanks :-)) So you put the work in and figured out what you want in life. You have a big Vision and a Plan. You are barrelling along making your dream life / job / relationship happen when, wham, all of ...
by Una Hearne. There's this old zen proverb: Once upon a time there was an old farmer who had worked his land for many years. One day his horse ran away. When the neighbours heard they said sympathetically 'Such bad luck!'. 'Perhaps' said the farmer. The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it two wild horses. 'What great luck!' the neighbours exclaimed. 'Perhaps' replied the farmer. The following day, his son tried to ride one of the wild horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The ...
by Una Hearne. That title is for my generation! Sorry to all for whom it is a mystery, I couldn't resist. :-) So, I was pasted to my couch on a bad ME/CFS day, feeling sorry for myself. 'What exactly,' I thought to myself 'is the point of my life if I can't do the work I love. Of what use am I to anyone?' Unbidden, an image of one of my heart friends popped into my mind. I saw her lying on a couch and this question came to mind: 'If she ...
by Una Hearne. Proper self-care is a necessary life skill. You need to put yourself first on your list. If you can't accept that on the basis that you are a fabulous human being and deserve it - then at least accept it on the logical basis that it is better for you and for the people around you. Here's the logic: We experience the most joy, reward and sustained happiness when we contribute our best to the world and share with other people. (Check this out with your own experience). We can ...
by Una Hearne. Boundaries exist in every relationship in the world. Usually unspoken and often unclear. Yet we know for sure when they are crossed. We feel it. Everyday we face boundary choices in relationships. In a conflict, how do I know who is right? Should I help every person who asks me? Is it ok for me to ask for help? Is this behaviour acceptable to me, in this situation, with this person? Should I compromise? Always? Never? NEWS FLASH... You own your own life. You get to make these decisions for yourself. You're ...
by Una Hearne. Human beings are hardwired to dislike uncertainty. Our Amygdala triggers our Fight/Flight/Freeze stress response when it senses a threat. And it assumes anything unknown is a threat. This was useful in prehistoric times when the unknown could be an immediate and deadly threat. Nowadays, we don't often face deadly threats. Yet the pace of change in our world means our future is ever more unpredictable - unknown - and our brains often settle into a permanent stress response. I was lucky enough to experience this fairly intensely when I worked in Anglo ...
by Una Hearne. 'IT'S NOT FAIR!' 'IT SHOULDN'T BE HAPPENING TO ME!!' You wouldn't blame me for thinking this since I am currently obliged to spend 20 hours a day lying down and I can only do a fraction of the things I want to. I wouldn't blame you for thinking the same about problems you might be facing: money, work, health or relationships ('THEY SHOULDN'T BE TREATING ME THIS WAY!') Understandable thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately, this is called resistance. Resistance to the reality you find yourself in. It's the opposite of ...
by Una Hearne. You know when the train of your life derails and you are picking your way through the wreckage, trying to figure out what happens next? Welcome to Una's little world 2018! I started Una's Little World blog in February 2015 to share the story of turning Visions (goals/ dreams/ plans) into reality, using examples from my own life. It has only been available to email subscribers up till now, but I'm making it my main blog this year so it will be available publicly as well. It has been great sharing successful visions. ...
by Una Hearne. So many clients, so many times I've heard 'I don't have time to figure out my Vision, I need a job NOW!!' People in terrible jobs, desperate to move on, people not working and panicking about getting any job. I totally understand this thinking - been there myself. A few times. The problem with this thinking is it leads to slow progress and is very often unsuccessful. It seems counter intuitive, but putting the time and effort into identifying clearly what you actually want is a much faster and more successful way to get into ...
by Una Hearne. Judging and criticising other people comes from deep insecurity about ourselves. Now, I'm not talking about judging people appropriately for violence or abuse, that's a different matter. I'm talking about judging and criticising others for stuff that's none of our business to judge them for. For example: their opinions; thoughts; looks; habits; choices; background; actions... Ringing any bells? I noticed this with a group of mothers recently. I'm not picking on mothers, it's an example of something which is rampant across all our lives. So this group of moms discussed every aspect of child rearing and what their ...
by Una Hearne. How much money you have. How many friends you have in reality, or on facebook. Failure. Success. Your qualifications or experience. Your children's achievements. What you look like. How nice your home or your car is. What other people think of you. How long it takes you to do anything. Whether you are in love and/or have a partner. Your holidays. Your work. The state of your health. How many obstacles your perceive and overcome. Your level of confidence and self belief. Whether you have a dream and whether it manifests. I could go on... Are you arguing with me in your head? Have I upset you? Excellent, read ...
by Una Hearne. The title is a quote from Iyanla Vanzant from her forgiveness course. (Excellent course, not for the faint hearted! Available through www.oprah.com). Forgiveness is one of the hardest lessons we have to learn in life. It is also one of the most rewarding to master. Here's what I've learned about forgiveness so far: Forgiveness IS NOT for the benefit of the other person (or people). It is for you, it gives you back your power, energy, peace of mind and freedom. Forgiving someone does NOT mean you are condoning or endorsing their behaviour in ...
by Una Hearne. Well... NO! Sorry, but we have to stop this nonsense. Superwoman and Superman are cartoons not role models. The fact is, it is not possible for one person, certainly in the developed world, to avail of all the opportunities, to do and have everything potentially available to them. We have such a range of choice and opportunity now, we can study anything, set up our personal lives any way we want, have multiple careers, indulge in a huge variety of leisure interests, volunteer in any number of roles... It's fantastic and not ...
by Una Hearne. Our beliefs about money and ourselves are reflected in the state of our finances. Our abilities to earn, spend and save. (Oh no!!!) A large part of our belief system comes from the family and culture we were brought up in. We will often follow patterns that we have experienced around us (or rebel and do the opposite). For example, if you believe rich people are inherently bad or horrible people, you will subconsciously prevent yourself from becoming one of them. On the other hand, if you believe poor people are ...
by Una Hearne. On a rerun of the sublime TV show QI (don't you just love Stephen Fry and Alan Davies?) they were talking about the 'half life of facts'. That is, how half of the 'facts' that medical students learn in college will be considered to be untrue in 10 or 12 years time. And how facts given on QI itself are just as subject to contrary proof over time. We like to think that scientific facts are in fact, facts - and to some extent they are - but they are constantly changing ...
by Una Hearne. Setting good boundaries with other people is about honouring yourself - recognising you are as valuable and worthy as everyone else. Are you the type who always says yes - likes to do anything for anyone? We are hardwired to help each other - survival and flourishing for humans has always meant collaborating. Wanting to help and support others is a wonderful impulse and is good for everyone. When we help others we feel great, right up to the point where it is inappropriate or is taking too much from us. Then we feel ...
by Una Hearne. With the disappearance of most permanent, or at any rate, life long jobs, many more people are having to come to terms with job hunting on a regular basis. I've been coaching people for 8 years, job hunters and entrepreneurs amongst others. The similarities between the process of getting a job and running a business are interesting. What do you think? You have to know yourself and your product/service/offering inside out. People buy you as much as what you are offering. They want to know how you can make their life better. ...
by Una Hearne. So many people still assume that everyone that other people experience life in much the same way they do, thinks like they do, and feels the same as they do. Couldn't be more wrong really. We each sense, interpret and experience the world in a completely unique way. When other people say or do something in a way we wouldn't have, we are shocked! They appear to be some kind of alien. "How can you say that?" "Why would anyone do that?" I am very fond of saying 'Other people are aliens. And. ...
by Una Hearne. So, if you know my work, you'll know it's all about living our best lives. I'm all about re-connecting with who you really are and what you really want. And making Visions and plans to create the best life you can experience. I also talk a lot about gratitude, about being grateful for everything we already have. I am sometimes asked if this is a contradiction "If I'm happy now, won't I just sit back and not bother doing anything else?" As if unhappiness is the only motivator for doing anything! Unhappiness ...
by Una Hearne In many of my talks and workshops I deal with the idea of being able to speak positively and confidently about yourself. I talk about building real inner confidence to make this possible. At some point I am always asked if this isn't arrogance or won't it seem like arrogance. Well no, it's not. There is a massive difference. Real confidence in yourself is based on understanding the truth of how fabulous you really are (You are, I've checked). The confusion between arrogance and confidence arises because some insecure people - who are ...
by Una Hearne. Ok, so if you want to start your own small business but you think the whole financial side is beyond you... listen up! For the vast majority of you reading this - it is not beyond you. Most small business owners are not natural accountants and don't like the figures. However, it is essential you understand the figures in your business. You can delegate the work if you can afford it, but you still must understand what is going on with the numbers - ignorance can be bliss but can also lose ...
by Una Hearne. Who are you? Right now, today? This is a core question in personal development. The foundation of all coaching is who are you and what do you want? Self knowledge and awareness grounds you. To know who you are and what you stand for means that in turbulent times you can navigate your life with confidence. It means in the midst of chaos you can make the best choices for yourself. Everyone experiences times of success and times of turbulence. Those who know and love themselves fare better, they adapt more easily ...
by Una Hearne. It is in our nature as human beings, to compare ourselves to other people. We live in relation to others. Observing how other people behave, what they have and what they achieve can galvanise us into learning, action and achievement for our own benefit. For example we can be influenced by another person's character and develop our own kindness, leadership, professionalism etc. Or we can be motivated to go out and get something we see other people have or to try new things. When we are inspired by comparison to improve our own quality ...
by Una Hearne. In Jill Bolte Taylor's book My Stroke of Insight she talks about the importance of being aware of the energy you bring to patients in hospital. "I realised the some people brought me energy while others took it away. One nurse was very attentive to my needs: Was I warm enough? Did I need water? Was I in pain? Naturally, I felt safe in her care. She made eye contact and was clearly providing me with a healing space. A different nurse, who never made eye contact... This woman brought me a tray with milk ...
by Una Hearne. Are you looking for work and finding the search frustrating? Are you searching for your purpose or passion? Volunteering could be a good way to use some of your time as part of your search strategy. Here are a few reasons it might work for you: You can get relevant experience in an area you are interested in. If you are particularly interested in a few specific organisations and you can get a volunteer position (or internship) you could get a really good feel for the organisations - culture, work, people and find out if ...
by Una Hearne. Here's a fabulous and ... well, potentially horrifying, exercise you can do to check out the choices you are making for yourself on a daily basis. Before you dismiss the idea, trust me, it's worth the horror as it brings awareness and gives you the power to make better choices for yourself. It's simple (I do like simple things!) - Record what you do every hour of your day for at least a week - better still for a month. Literally every hour, or even half hour if that makes more sense in your ...
by Una Hearne. Keeping a gratitude journal is one of those deceptively simple practices which can have real and profound effects in your life. I've written and spoken many times about the importance of refocusing our attention from the negative to the positive. This is so that we balance our natural negative bias and also so that we focus our attention and effort on what we want to create in our lives, and not on what we don't want. The reason it's important to think of it as a practice is that it needs to be a ...
by Una Hearne. Just because you feel fearful or anxious does not mean there is anything to be afraid of. Fear is our natural reaction to a variety of things and its purpose is to protect us from harm. Our fight, flight, freeze response kicks in if we sense any kind of threat and it kicks in before conscious thought. In many situations fear, or at least an awareness of danger, is a good thing - think standing on the edge of a cliff, crossing a busy road, dark alleys at night, telling your significant ...
by Una Hearne. When you set out to do something new in life - to find and start a new job, set up a business, move to a new place, find new friends - you will be meeting new people and trying to connect. You will experience rejection along the way. Quite naturally, this is a difficult thing for us to handle. The two most basic drivers for human beings are - two sides of the same coin - 1) Desire for acceptance and 2) Fear rejection. It is easy to understand why it is ...
by Una Hearne. There's no denying our lives are getting more complex. This is what happens as societies develop, and technology has increased the pace of change for us to a rate, I for one, can't quite keep up with. We have more choice and opportunity than ever before. We can study anything we like, at any time of our lives. We can have multiple careers, live or travel in different countries, set up new types of business, organise our personal lives in any way we want, have a multitude of pursuits and interests and ...
Hi all, Regular readers may have noticed a larger gap between the last two blogs, apologies for the delay in this notice! I am moving to one blog per month from now on and they will be published on the 24th of every month - so won't always be a Thursday as they have been. January's blog went out a little early (truth be told, before I had done the final draft - morto!!) Here's my answer to myself on that one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVw5e6EYFUg Remember if you are signed up to receive my blog you won't necessarily be on my main mailing list which ...
by Una Hearne. In one sense it's easy to be a hero in a war - just turn up. (No, I'm not saying war is easy I'm saying in an emergency doing anything makes you a hero automatically!) It's a lot harder to feel like a hero if your life seems ordinary to you. This is not because you are not a hero, this is simply because we don't give medals to ordinary people or celebrate our ordinary lives. Being an everyday hero often means not being noticed, or being taken for granted - by ourselves ...
by Una Hearne. It is my practice between Christmas and new year to take a few days out just for myself. No work, no socialising. Just quiet reflective time. I reflect on the past year, where I'm at and what I want next year. It's one of my favourite times of the year. We often only check in with ourselves and take stock of our lives when something goes wrong or we are unhappy with the situation we are in. That's fair enough, but it actually makes more sense to check in occasionally when things are going ...
by Una Hearne. 'Selling yourself' is a phrase I dislike. I used it because it will accurately indicate to most of you what the subject matter of this blog is. I want to talk about how we communicate who we are, what we have to offer and what we want. This is something we have to do in most areas of our lives, for example in job hunting, running a business, raising our profile, socialising and relationships. I dislike the phrase 'selling yourself' because of course you are not. You may be selling your time, the ...
by Una Hearne. There are things that you believe to be true - about yourself, other people and the world. These are core beliefs, not objective truths that are the same for everyone, but beliefs masquerading as the truth. Core beliefs are the deeply rooted ones which, until you become aware of them, you don't even know you have. You can hear them in things we say: 'That's just the way it is' 'I am like that' 'I always... I never...' 'People are like that.' If our perceptions were objectively, verifiably, true, we would all have the same ...
by Una Hearne. So here I am sticking my neck out. Publicly. I am in business officially two years and my first business plan didn't work. I made very little money and had to borrow to keep going and try the next plan. I have invested over 200k in education and sacrificed earnings in the past 10 years at a rough guess. I've invested many thousands of hours in my learning, development and my work. I'm earning now but it's not quite sustainable yet. I could run out of money. This kind of financial uncertainty unnerves me ...
by Una Hearne. I was hearing a lot about mindfulness and being in the moment recently and I began to think about how it applies to my life. I do experience being fully present in my work. When I am coaching someone, training or writing I find my full focus is on what is going on, the rest of the world could fall around me and I wouldn't notice I am so absorbed. Time disappears and I never want to be anywhere other than where I am right then. I don't really experience that any other time except maybe when I ...
by Una Hearne Going to an event with the intention of meeting and talking to new people. It's like a lot of other experiences - new job, new city, new school, new business, - situations where we need to meet new people and make connections. For some people this is extreme fun and for others a big scary nightmare. Most of us land somewhere in between. One of the reasons it is scary is because there are two fundamental drivers for human beings 1) The fear of rejection 2) The need for acceptance. So if you are in ...
