by Una Hearne. You can build your own deep-seated, unshakeable, authentic confidence with a very simple daily practice: Acknowledge everything brilliant you do, every success, every step, no matter how small. Simple! Well, if we could remember to do it, it would be! So this is a reminder. Please bear in mind I am not saying ignore mistakes or areas you can improve. This is good valuable stuff but becomes destructive if it is all you ever focus on, or even if you focus on the negative more than the positive. Human beings build on success - ...
by Una Hearne. What if you just don't know what you want? What if you're not sure who you really are? Lots of people will say you need to know the answers but then can't tell you how to figure it all out. These are key questions, you can't go after what you want if you don't know what that is. And you can't know what you really want if you don't know who you are and what makes you happy. I specialise in this area because I could never resist the big questions. I have developed ...
by Una Hearne. Do you take regular time out just for yourself? We all need quiet time to ourselves. The length of time we each need varies a lot. This doesn't matter, it's the quality of time and what it does for you that matters. It also doesn't matter how you do it, what your ritual or practice is. It's just being quiet. Still. Stop. Allow your thoughts to settle. Or think something through, free from distraction. Or just breathe and be. Meditation is a special form of time out. It can be incredibly powerful and even blissful. It ...
by Una Hearne. Boss vs staff. Employee vs employer. Why is it so hard for people to work together in harmony? We depend upon each other and yet we often end up treating each other as enemies. This is such an age old question and so much horseshit has been written and said about it that I hesitate to add to it. Hesitate yes, but of course still going to go right ahead and add my tuppence worth! Here's an example of being the boss setting up a business. You set up a company. You want to earn ...
by Una Hearne. The reason I have avoided using psychometric tools in coaching and personal development is that I actually believe people know more about themselves than any tools or other people can tell them. Radical concept I know! Good quality personality profiling tools like DISC or Myers Briggs are ok and can provide some insight. However they are most useful in demonstrating that individuals are different (no kidding!) and equal. Not right or wrong, just different. This realisation is essential for us to understand each other and to work and live successfully together. The problem with ...
by Una Hearne. How does any human being make anything happen? How do you get to work in the morning? How do people get married and have children? How do you operate your mobile phone? How did you eat your last meal? How do you put your socks on? How do you figure out what you want to do with your life? Believe it or not the unconscious process by which you make anything happen works in the same way for every one of these things: You decide what you want You plan how you will make it happen You ...
by Una Hearne. Yes, lovely friend Sinead, this is rich, coming from me! :-) However, ploughing on... We all know we should. We all want the health benefits. Most of us find it hard to integrate exercise into our lives. To those of you who do, good for you, it does take effort. We often forget that people who keep in shape are making a choice and doing the work. We say things to make excuses for ourselves, 'It's easy for them!' 'They enjoy it' 'They were born skinny!' as if we are exempt because it's not for us, we ...
by Una Hearne. Flagrant use of attention grabbing title. Apologies. Of course there is no easy way. I am good at asking people for advice and help. So when I started my business I found successful clever people and asked their advice. Let me tell you what I have learned about setting up a business: There are a few standard things everyone tells you - and they are right: Do a business plan; Understand the money and keep the accounts straight; pay your taxes correctly; Make sure you know what you need to about the law ...
by Una Hearne. In the world today, we have to adapt and change as never before in human history. Most of us experience multiple career changes and experience times of wealth and scarcity. Many of us live in multiple countries during our lives, have more than one marriage-type relationship and move house several times. We can study a huge variety of subjects, choose from a wide variety of work and organise our personal lives to suit ourselves. There is more opportunity and choice available to us than ever before and this is clearly fantastic. However, along with this choice and complexity ...
by Una Hearne. Some definitions: Non performance of something due, required or expected Subnormal quantity or quality (of crops for example) Non functioning (of machine for example) Unsuccessful person or thing. Ok, I can accept a human being can fail to do something. I can see a crop can fail and I get that a machine can fail to work. And I know there is a feeling of failure when something does not work out the way you planned - I've felt that! (Of course a feeling is a feeling, not a fact.) But the more I examine failure in relation ...
by Una Hearne. If you knew for certain that something you were going to do or say would make someone's life better, you'd just go ahead and do it - right? What if you knew for a fact that smiling at the person on the checkout would make them feel better, would you spare them a smile? If telling someone how great they are gave them the courage to go and do something brave and brilliant, would you choose to tell them? If you knew you were influencing a child, just by the way you live and what you say, ...
by Una Hearne. Interning should be a part of the structure of the world of work. It goes without saying that it should be ethical, worthwhile for everyone involved and fair. It is a risk for a company to take on a permanent employee because if it doesn't work out it costs the company a lot of money. A certain amount of risk is inevitable in any business but too much risk, especially in the high cost area of people, can push a company out of business. And that's not generally good for ...
by Una Hearne. This is one of the most common issues clients bring to me. For some it is the main issue, for some a side issue and for others - those who see it as a weakness - it is often a hidden issue. All of my clients gain confidence, it is a natural by-product of the coaching process, even when it isn't the focus. I've noticed a few things about confidence over the years and, as usual, I offer my thoughts to stimulate your own. Most people who lack confidence feel they are ...
by Una Hearne. 'You just need a bit of will power'. Common cry. Well, what if I'm no good at will power? And I can assure you, I'm not. What then? Will power, at best, only works for short periods of time. It is only useful in that couple of seconds when you are choosing between immediate temptation and long term benefit. While it can be useful to help you make the right choice or get you back on track when distracted, will power is not a sustainable or reliable force over time and it takes ...
by Una Hearne. Your perception is your reality. There is no such thing as objective 'reality' All of our experience of life happens in our minds. We take in information about the world, other people and events through our senses. This information is filtered by our brains. We make sense of it through the unique lense of our individual values, beliefs and experiences. This is why the same event can mean totally different things to different people and provoke very different feelings. For example, redundancy or business closure is interpreted by some people as a ...
by Una Hearne. We say 'contracting' and 'permanent job' meaning different things. But a permanent job these days is something we see lasting maybe 3 - 7 years. Most people don't set out looking for a job for life. So aren't permanent jobs and contracts becoming very similar? The only obvious difference is maybe benefits, holiday and sick pay, pension etc. And this is why contractors/consultants are supposed to charge higher daily rates, as they have to provide for all of these for themselves. All things considered it seems a smart approach to work ...
by Una Hearne. A lot of time management courses are rubbish because they don't establish the most important principle before they show you their techniques and tools. Here's the most important principle: You need to know what is important to you, what really matters in your life, in order to choose wisely what you spend your time on. You have a finite amount of time in your life. You don't know how long you have. You can't 'make' any more time. The power and control you have in this area is in how you choose to use the ...
by Una Hearne. There are thousands of planning theories, methods, models and templates. And there is one very good reason why no particular way of planning works for everyone - human beings are not robots. Most of the theories, methods, models and templates have merit and will work for some people. Usually people who are like the person that designed that particular way of planning. There are basics that need to be in any plan and the more people involved in implementing a plan, the simpler and clearer it needs to be. Everyone involved ...
by Una Hearne. So you lost your job, have been in an abusive relationship, are in debt, might lose the house, are facing serious illness, lost a loved one. Sometimes life throws you a big nasty. None of us are exempt. And all you need when you are experiencing one of these is to have some ar**hole come up to you when you are still reeling and tell you 'Every experience is a gift, you should try to find the good in this.' Slap face. It is ridiculous when in the initial stages of ...
by Una Hearne. You are your life manager. It is your responsibility to look after yourself in life and work. You can offer the best of you to the world if you look after yourself properly and make the most of your time. Don't worry you won't get it perfect, you are human. One of the most useful skills you can develop for yourself is the art of delegation. It is essential in order to use your time and energy effectively. You delegate by default all the time. Surprised? Think about it, most of us ...
by Una Hearne. A problem or obstacle is the initial condition necessary to provoke a creative solution, and progress. Human being are hard wired to solve problems. It’s how our brain’s work. Something comes up and we sort it out. Different people are naturally good at different types of problem solving. Look at this list, you won’t feel competent in all of these areas, there will be a few you feel ‘yes, I do that sort of thing well’ – and for the purposes of this blog ‘problem’ is just something that requires a ...
by Una Hearne. In a previous blog I wrote about how inappropriate giving unsolicited life advice is. I want to look at another aspect of advice in this blog. The times when we want and need advice. In particular, expert advice in an area we don't know about, or a second opinion in our own area. Our greatest resource besides ourselves is other people. Getting help along the way in work and in life is part of being human and can be anything from useful to essential. Additionally, one of the greatest pleasures ...
by Una Hearne. If you are thinking 'my house' 'my car' 'my cd collection' 'my rare 13th century whatjamacallit' I'll give you a moment to think again. Are we there yet? Good, well done, yes, it is you. Your brain, body, personality, abilities, experience and everything that makes up the unique and fabulous package that is you. How well do you look after your most valuable asset? Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually? How we care for ourselves in each area impacts naturally on all of the other areas. For example, good food nourishes us physically, makes ...
by Una Hearne. When choosing what to study, or helping our kids to choose, we often ask the wrong question: ‘What should I/you study to guarantee a secure well paid job?’ Please stop asking this. The answer to this genuinely is, nobody knows for sure. It may have been a valid question in the past in the sense that it might have led you into a secure job. However it has also always been true that if you ended up working in something you hated, or grew to hate, you either quit or ...
by Una Hearne. Nothing. IF you are making suggestions and are not attached to whether the person takes your advice or not. If you give someone advice about their lives and you believe you are right, and they should do what you say, the underlying message is always 'I know better than you.' This is especially true is they have not asked for your advice. It is patronising and undermines their confidence (whether they are conscious of this or not). It is also wrong. You don't know what another adult should do or ...
by Una Hearne. (Note I always use the word vision - if you don't like this word or it doesn't resonate with you please substitute whichever of the following you prefer: goal, dream, outcome, mission, objective, desire, aim, target, intention, destination). It is good practice to have a vision for your life. To be a conscious participant in creating your life. The important thing is to have a specific direction to set off in. The next most important thing is not to be too rigid about the outcomes. Hold your vision lightly, be prepared to adapt ...
by Una Hearne. Sometimes it seems to me in the personal development world that people are straining so hard to be POSITIVE and BELIEVE in themselves that I worry for their bowels. It's not actually necessary to burst a blood vessel, being positive and believing in yourself is a matter of choice and practice. Would you like to be more positive and believe in yourself more? For those of you who immediately said 'Yes, BUT...' I'll repeat the question: Would you like it? And sorry to labour the point but just to be ...
by Una Hearne I hear this so often! I said it myself many years ago. Now I know better. Now I know it is not either /or. Following your dreams and paying your bills are not mutually exclusive. How it works for you and what the right balance (or even compromise if necessary), is not something you can know until you are engaged in figuring it out, in making the decisions and choices, in doing what is necessary to make it happen. It is not uncommon for clients' of mine and course participants (and ...
by Una Hearne. The way the coaching process works, in essence, is simple. 1 You imagine what you want / where you want to be. Create a vision. 2 You assess where you are now and what resources you have. You generate options and plan how you are going to achieve your vision. 3 You take action and deal with obstacles along the way. (Note I tend to use the word vision - if you don't like this word or it doesn't resonate with you please substitute whichever of the following you prefer: goal, dream, outcome, mission, ...
by Una Hearne. In my last blog I wrote about having a vision to motivate you. I want to talk about another good reason to have a clear vision for yourself. (Note I tend to use the word vision - if you don't like this word or it doesn't resonate with you please substitute whichever of the following you prefer: goal, dream, outcome, mission, objective, desire, aim, target, intention, destination.) Our subconscious or unconscious mind uses metaphors (symbols, pictures, concepts) to make sense of the world and to shape ...
by Una Hearne. There are only two reasons we will take action: 1. We enjoy the activity (say, eating chocolate) 2. The result of doing it gives us something we really want (say, taking exercise) Clearly there is no problem with motivation when we enjoy the activity. So how do we make sure the stuff we don't enjoy doing actually happens so that we get the outcome we want? One answer is to have a vision and keep it very much in our conscious mind. We need to be conscious of what we want and why we want ...
by Una Hearne. Is this a cultural thing or a human thing? I am most familiar with Irish and English people and there is an attitude bred into a lot of us that talking about ourselves in positive terms is a bad thing. It is considered far more virtuous to be modest and to underplay our achievements. In most public situations this is fine, it is true that we find a boastful or self absorbed person tedious or even obnoxious. On the other hand if we don't ...
by Una Hearne. Sometimes in coaching it's not about big dramatic external change like a change of career, moving country or starting the next multinational corporation. Sometimes a small internal shift can change your life. A change of perspective, a shift in beliefs, a re-direction of strategy. Clients often come to coaches saying they want to change career, to do something completely different, they are bored or fed up or never really wanted the career they have. Some do change to a completely different area, some change aspects of their career and some change nothing ...
by Una Hearne. What are your core values and why would you need to know them? Definitions of values tend to cover two broad concepts. One is the principles or moral values we stand for, or will stand up for (like freedom, respect, honesty etc). We have a deeply ingrained set of beliefs about right and wrong, value judgements which drive our thinking and behaviour. The other is more about the things we value in our lives (relationships, lifestyle, environment, contribution etc). These can be tangible or intangible and are also drivers of ...
by Una Hearne I said in a previous blog that you can choose to become a more positive thinker if you want to. For those of you who would like this in theory and are asking 'YES, BUT HOW?' I would like to share a simple technique I use . It has helped me to develop habitually positive thoughts. It appears too simple to work and so is easy to dismiss, however, I find it to be incredibly powerful. Don't take my word for it, try it out yourself. The concept is simple, the practice ...
by Una Hearne. It feels great when we work with people we respect and/or like, in a job we enjoy. No job is perfect of course, but generally we know whether we are happy or not overall. If you have ever been stuck in a job where you are constantly exposed to negativity (constant complaining, put downs, bullying, politics, manipulation etc) you will know how stressful it can be. Long term stress, even relatively low grade, as we know, is very destructive for us. Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. The people you work with can ...
by Una Hearne. Coaching is an unregulated industry at the moment. Anyone can call themselves a coach and charge people money for what may or may not be coaching. If you think about longer established professions such as medicine, law or accounting, their qualifications, code of ethics and governing bodies provide a lot of protection for clients. It may sometimes be unwieldy and a hindrance but overall, proper regulation does protect people. Paradoxically I'm not hung up on qualifications for some professions, particularly the ones engaged in supporting people in their daily lives. I ...
by Una Hearne. I spend a lot of time as a coach and trainer trying to crowbar people's minds open long enough to allow them to dream for themselves. We are brought up to be deeply suspicious of dreams. Not the dreams we have when we sleep, but the dreams we can imagine for our future in the real world, beyond our current experience. We often react to each other's dreams for the future as if they are nonsense - as if we are completely mad to think bigger for ourselves. And yet, imagining ...
by Una Hearne. Habitually positive thinkers are happier than habitually negative thinkers. I'm just going to take that as read and gallop on. Here's the thing, your experience of life (your thoughts and feelings) is created in your brain. Events happen, people behave as they do and you interpret everything that happens around you according to your beliefs, values, previous experience and other unique personal filters. If your thoughts and feelings were created by the events or other people, outside of you, we would all experience the same thoughts and feelings as a result of ...
by Una Hearne. Really? I don't think anyone actually hates networking. Controversial! I think the fact that most people say they hate it comes from a misunderstanding about what networking is. Most of us agree that networking is a key part of most aspects of work, from getting a job or starting a business, to gaining promotion or new clients. But what do we really mean by networking? The truth is networking events have their place, it is a way to meet new people in an appropriate environment but they are not where most networking happens. ...
by Una Hearne. People are often prompted to use a coach because they are unhappy with some aspect of their life or career. But it doesn't have to be about moving on from a bad situation. It is about moving forward from wherever you are. Coaching, at its heart, is about raising your awareness and developing as a person. This is just as valid when life is great as it is when life is tough. Change is inevitable, life will move on and the more conscious and engaged you are, the richer ...
by Una Hearne. Edison said 'I have not failed, I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work!' Perseverance is one of the characteristics of successful human beings. Sometimes in the face of overwhelming odds. Sometimes sheer bloody-mindedness when all around you would have given up gracefully and are just waiting to cart you off to the funny farm, is just the ticket for success. It is a judgement call. Most of the big decisions in your life are choices with no guarantees. If it is a decision about your career / business / ...
by Una Hearne. 'What did you do at the weekend?' 'Nothing.' 'Why? What's wrong with you? Why weren't you hiking/ biking/ going to the gym/ golfing/ running and out drinking and dancing till three in the morning?' Why do we have to fill our time with doing to justify our existence? If you have spent time doing nothing and it made you miserable, depressed, frustrated - then yes, I agree that was a waste of time. But if you have spent time doing nothing and it made you happy and relaxed - what could possibly be ...
by Una Hearne. You know the excuses we allow ourselves to believe so that we can avoid having to do something? I call them red herrings. Sometimes it's ok to use them, but if they are stopping you creating the life you want well, that's not what you want is it? The red herrings I see over and over again are: I don't have the money I don't have the time I don't know the right people I don't have the right qualifications/ experience I don't know how to do that They sound so reasonable, don't they? When people ...
by Una Hearne. Magic happens around written goals. I have experienced this with my own goals and with clients' goals. Not all goals mind you - but more than you would expect - enough to make it spooky. I get my clients to write specific goals, descriptive, detailed and as fully fleshed out as possible. From houses to job descriptions, life partners to behaviour change with specific results, goal after goal has manifested in spooky detail. As I said, not all goals but too many to dismiss. I do love spooky magic! I also like to ...
by Una Hearne. By authentic, I mean right for you, in your life. And by dream, I mean dream, vision, aim, outcome, goal, plan, wish, desire - whatever word works for you and means 'the way you want you and your life to be'. Like all life choices, whether to pursue a dream or not is a personal judgement call. However, over the years I have learned there are some key characteristics by which you can recognise if a dream is authentic, the more of the following that apply the more likely you should ...
by Una Hearne. I can't..., I am..., I won't..., I never..., I always..., I do..., I will..., I must..., I can..., I'm not..., I don't..., I must not... If you take a page and finish each of the above as a sentence (without thinking too much) it will show up much of the truth of what you think and believe about yourself and your life at this moment in time. Go on, get a pen and paper, write quickly, no editing. I'll wait... Done? How did that go for you? Interesting isn't it? What we believe about ourselves, the world and each other, colours our expectations ...
by Una Hearne. Job hunting is a drain on all of your resources, financial, physical, mental and emotional and is only rewarding at the very end of the process. Added to which, you worry throughout that it will end in failure, which saps even more energy. Some people give up. This pretty much guarantees no job. Not a great strategy, however understandable. Some keep going until they find a job they like and can settle into for a few months or years. This is a good strategy, this works. Others take the first job they're ...
by Una Hearne. Good news - You have the power to manage your life. YAY! Bad news - It is your responsibility to manage your life and no one else's. DOH! How are you doing with this? As we have evolved as a species, we have developed specialities. For example, early on, farmers, potters, builders, sailors and other professions emerged as the advantages of specialising in different bodies of knowledge became apparent. The whole community does better when the sum of all the knowledge and skill is more than one individual could contribute. Doctors, cleaners, ...
by Una Hearne. The immediate results of any one action are usually fairly predictable. Think of putting your glass back on the table after drinking, usually this results in the glass being on the table. It generally doesn't leap off the table or turn into a cow. However, even a little complexity very quickly makes results unpredictable. For example, if I drive to the next town, which route will be quicker? This depends on the traffic, traffic lights, other people's driving and many other things not in my control. I have to take ...
