Una's Blog


47 Confidence

graphic-2by Una Hearne.

This is one of the most common issues clients bring to me. For some it is the main issue, for some a side issue and for others – those who see it as a weakness – it is often a hidden issue.

All of my clients gain confidence, it is a natural by-product of the coaching process, even when it isn’t the focus.

I’ve noticed a few things about confidence over the years and, as usual, I offer my thoughts to stimulate your own.

Most people who lack confidence feel they are in a small minority. It looks to them like everybody else is fine! I think this is because a lack of confidence is either not apparent to others or deliberately hidden. At the risk of blowing a big human race secret I’d like to point out that the vast majority of us lack confidence in at least some areas of our lives. Yes really. Even that guy. And yes that girl too.

Here’s another secret I’m delighted to blow up – bullies, the ones who seem to be super confident, all arrogance and swagger, are in fact the most lacking in confidence and self esteem. In my experience, the bigger the bully, the more insecure they really feel. No fun at all being them.

It is ok to lack confidence. It is not a weakness, it’s a feeling. Your feelings tell you where to pay attention in your life. A good feeling is worth paying attention to simply to enjoy and enhance it. A negative feeling is worth paying attention to as it draws your attention to where you need to take action or change your thinking. Areas where change can increase your happiness and quality of life.

There are many ways of building confidence (self esteem/self worth). What is appropriate to you in a given situation is your judgement call. This is a collection of some things that may or may not work for you:

  • Sometimes if you are afraid of taking the next step, the answer is simply take a deep breath and do it. You might just prove you can!
  • Repetition and practice are often key to building skill and confidence.
  • There may be underlying limiting beliefs holding you back, shifting these can be catalytic in our development and confidence.
  • Replacing negative habitual thinking with positive habitual thinking is incredibly powerful in building confidence.
  • Acknowledging what you do well. We build on success. Notice it, acknowledge it, record it, celebrate it!
  • Compare yourself to others only to inspire yourself, if it brings you down it’s self destructive and a waste of energy.

The important thing to remember is that you already possess the wisdom and knowledge you need to build your confidence and self belief. You may need help to unlock it, we all do, just remember you already have it.


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