Una's Blog


Happiness 19. Goals you should definitely not set

by Una Hearne.

This is yet another tricky area. You cannot set goals for yourself where you are not in control of the actions or changes needed. For example, you can’t set a goal for a specific person to fall in love with you – you have no influence over their true feelings. You cannot set a goal like getting a specific job, you are not the decision maker. Setting a goal to win the lotto is also not realistic, even if you take the action of buying the ticket, the chances of winning are vanishingly small.

On the other hand the most astoundingly specific goals do manifest for people all the time. Detailed descriptions of houses, specific amounts of money, job descriptions, romantic partners – I’ve see these manifest frequently. So here’s what I suggest with Visions and goals – be as specific as you can about the details but avoid deciding it has to be a particular person, job, house etc. Detach from HOW it will happen and be open to the results. We tend not to dream big enough for ourselves so be prepared for even better outcomes than you could imagine.

Let’s take a very concrete example. Say for example you are galloping along building a beloved business and sudden ill-health means you can no longer work more than a few hours a week. Yes I’m talking about me. With 6 -8 hours a week now for all work, socialising and hobbies I had to create a new Vision and goals.

Here are the goals I do NOT set

  • I will be totally fit and healthy by next year
  • They will find a cure for M.E. by December
  • I can earn €100,00 per year or win the lottery

That sort of goal would just set me up for disappointment time after time. So I don’t waste my precious energy on them. I hold them to be nice dreams/ possibilities I would be delighted about, but not things that I will spend energy on. My daydreams are free and pleasant diversions but not things I hang my happiness on.

The Vision and goals I do have are about writing projects, rest and good food, meditation and mindfulness practices, spending quality time with friends, enjoying crafting time. I have control of what I do towards these goals and I reward myself for all of the positive actions I take. I’m my own best friend in this journey and I always encourage and support myself. I never beat myself up. Never. It’s a shocking waste of anyone’s energy.

So my question for you is: What would give you the best possible quality of life and happiness – given the reality of your circumstances today? Imagine.



Pic credit:Geralt. Found on pixabay

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