Una's Blog


68 Kissing Frogs

graphic-4by Una Hearne.

When you set out to do something new in life – to find and start a new job, set up a business, move to a new place, find new friends – you will be meeting new people and trying to connect. You will experience rejection along the way.

Quite naturally, this is a difficult thing for us to handle. The two most basic drivers for human beings are – two sides of the same coin – 1) Desire for acceptance and 2) Fear rejection. It is easy to understand why it is so fundamental if you look back to the early days of our species when people lived in caves and the population was very small. We are an interdependent species and if you were banished by your family/tribe/village, and you had to survive alone, your survival was very much at risk. So we have a very deep rooted, old brain, instinctive fear of being rejected, with good reason.

However most of the rejection you will face in your life does not threaten your survival, it’s just not that big a deal. It’s a feeling which triggers very deeply within us but we need to recognise when it is not useful to us and let it pass. Easier said than done, I grant you. Mostly when you feel rejected, you are not being rejected, something or someone else is being chosen. Mostly it actually has nothing to do with you.

Now here’s the thing, if you interpret the feeling of rejection to mean that you are not good enough/ attractive/ clever/ desirable etc.., you allow the feeling to damage your confidence. Our instinctive reactions are very powerful, but so is our advanced brain with the ability to reason. You are in control (as an adult) of how you interpret your experience. It is not easy, but one of the best things you can do for yourself is to learn not to take it personally. It takes consciousness and practice.

And here’s a good question – ‘Does it really matter how many rejections you experience along the way if you get the work/ friends/ home/ experiences/ joy/ love/ life, you want?’

You know that saying ‘You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince/princess’? Well, what if all the stuff that doesn’t work out along the way in your journey of life, what if it’s all just kissing frogs. What if it’s all just part of the journey, part of the fun, part of the learning? What if it’s all just the stuff life is make of and you embrace and enjoy rather than worrying about what you don’t have yet?

Consider this, if every frog you kissed turned into a marriage that lasted a lifetime you would only ever kiss one frog. Now, think about the first person you kissed, would that be ok with you? Think of the first job you had, would it be ok if that was your job for your whole life, no learning, no progress? Think of everyone you have been friends with since your very first friend, would it be ok with you if you only ever had your first friend and all the rest had never been in your life?

Rejection in any area of life is just kissing frogs. Keep your mind on what you want and enjoy the adventures getting there. This journey is, after all, your life.


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