by Una Hearne Acceptance is the final stage of the process of coming to terms with major life events. The Grief Cycle (denial, anger, bargaining, depression/ grief, acceptance) is familiar to most of us and is a useful framework although we don't go through it in a nice linear organised way. We bounce around the different feelings until we somehow get through it. The reason acceptance is so important is that you cannot move forward without it, you can't get to a better place. If you can't face the reality of what has happened to ...
by Una Hearne. Will ye give over ye lunatics, you can't change other people. Stop that nonsense. I seem to be seeing a lot of people in misery at the moment because of what others have said or done. Most of their stress is because they think the other person 'should' behave or think the way they do themselves. Here's the problem with that - everyone's mind and experience are unique. Have you ever met a person who genuinely thinks exactly like you? In every situation? About every issue? Of course you haven't. Other ...
by Una Hearne. Welcome to the world of self-isolation everyone! Most of us with chronic illnesses have lived for years in partial or total self-isolation, so I thought I'd share some random tips and thoughts to help you in this new adventure. First, for your mental health, accept this new situation totally as it is right now. Decide to learn to become comfortable with uncertainty. These are daily practices and not one-off decisions. The sooner you get these down, the less energy you will waste in resistance and worry, neither of which help ...
by Una Hearne. We talk in terms of fighting illness/ obesity/ drugs/ redundancies etc. Fighting can be a brilliant frame of mind. I have a friend who had cancer and approached it as a battle. With military efficiency she fought, she won and we couldn't be more pleased and proud of her. However, fighting is not always the right frame. It depends on the situation and what works for you as a person. For me, facing ME/CFS, I find the most useful frame of mind for me is the very opposite of fighting - ...
by Una Hearne. Boundaries exist in every relationship in the world. Usually unspoken and often unclear. Yet we know for sure when they are crossed. We feel it. Everyday we face boundary choices in relationships. In a conflict, how do I know who is right? Should I help every person who asks me? Is it ok for me to ask for help? Is this behaviour acceptable to me, in this situation, with this person? Should I compromise? Always? Never? NEWS FLASH... You own your own life. You get to make these decisions for yourself. You're ...
by Una Hearne. 'IT'S NOT FAIR!' 'IT SHOULDN'T BE HAPPENING TO ME!!' You wouldn't blame me for thinking this since I am currently obliged to spend 20 hours a day lying down and I can only do a fraction of the things I want to. I wouldn't blame you for thinking the same about problems you might be facing: money, work, health or relationships ('THEY SHOULDN'T BE TREATING ME THIS WAY!') Understandable thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately, this is called resistance. Resistance to the reality you find yourself in. It's the opposite of ...
