Una’s little world 6. Who loves ya baby?
by Una Hearne.
That title is for my generation! Sorry to all for whom it is a mystery, I couldn’t resist. 🙂
So, I was pasted to my couch on a bad ME/CFS day, feeling sorry for myself. ‘What exactly,’ I thought to myself ‘is the point of my life if I can’t do the work I love. Of what use am I to anyone?’ Unbidden, an image of one of my heart friends popped into my mind. I saw her lying on a couch and this question came to mind: ‘If she did nothing at all for the rest of her life, would she be of less value to me?’ I was horrified! ‘OF COURSE NOT!!!’ She doesn’t have to do anything to mean the world to me! If she never moved off that couch I’d still love the bones of her and consider myself so much the richer for having her in my life.
Ooooooohhh! The bulb lit. I realised it applies to me too. And it is a fundamental truth, applies to every person on the planet. (Yes of course you too). You don’t have to do anything to be of value as a human being.Who you are is already enough. Fabulous. Anything you do is extra – icing and cherries.
This lovely moment of revelation got me thinking about another aspect of feeling valued. How so many people chase approval and validation from other people. External validation is lovely, nothing wrong with it, it helps us stay on track. But there is a big bear trap here. If you need constant reassurance from other people and the world because you secretly believe in your heart that you are not good enough, you will find that no external validation will ever be enough. If you keep trying to get that world to make you feel happy, successful and worthy, but you keep coming up empty, stop and check out what you are doing.
What you actually need is to build your own sense of self-worth. Or rather, to recognise it, since it is innate and is to be found within you, not created outside. When you no longer need the world or other people to bolster your self-esteem, you can enjoy all the external validation, achievements and shiny toys for what they are. Nice to have.
You are already good enough. You are already worthy of love and all good things. Enjoy 🙂
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