Una's Blog


Una’s little world 14. Guilt






by Una Hearne.

If you did something wrong or hurt someone deliberately – Ok go ahead, feel guilty.

On the other hand if you are indulging in Ridiculous Guilt, pull your chair in closer and pin back your shell like…

Ridiculous Guilt is inappropriate or misplaced. It is self-destructive and a huge energy cost. Guilt is directly related to how responsible we feel and while taking responsibility is obviously a good thing… it can become Ridiculous. Mothers, for example, from the moment of birth seem to gain an unlimited capacity for Ridiculous Guilt. Like:

“My child went to school without her reading book! I’m a terrible parent!” or “I let the children watch TV all day, what if social services find out?”

Just in case you are thinking you are exempt because you are not a mother, don’t worry, if you are human you are just as nuts as the next person. 🙂 You’re welcome.

Ridiculous guilt is driven by unconscious beliefs, programmed in during childhood. So, what with being in the personal development industry and doing my own internal work, I thought I had eliminated Ridiculous Guilt. And in one area, I actually had. In the past I felt horribly guilty about every social invitation I had to turn down, or worse, cancel, because I simply didn’t have the energy. I did the work and now I feel no guilt around this. YAY!! Cue feeling smug and evolved… Ha ha ha. Ha!

Recently I found, lurking in my subconscious, a whole treasury of Ridiculous Guilt. If you had asked me about any of these I’d have said of course I don’t feel guilty – consciously I know it’s not my fault. But deep down, my programming said different. Get a load of these beauties:

I feel guilty because:

  • I’m sick. (wtf?)
  • I can’t earn my own living at the moment. (Sad ok, but guilty?!)
  • I can still live independently and so many others with ME/CFS cannot. (How much good is my guilt doing them? Exactly none at all.)
  • I look relatively healthy when I’m out. This makes me feel guilty – like I’m giving the wrong impression or somehow telling a lie because I don’t look ill. (w.t.absolutef.?)

Yes, nuts. These are based on limiting beliefs and I know I’m not the only one with these lurking out of sight. So, what can we do about it? Well, this is the simple process I use myself.

  • Notice the Ridiculous thought.
    This gets easier with practice (Key words to listen out for: ‘I am/not; I should/n’t’; I did/n’t’; I always; I never…)
  • Replace the Ridiculous thought with a more useful one. It is extremely important to use YOUR words and not someone else’s affirmation, works far better.
    Like for me it might be: It’s not my fault I’m sick; It’s great I can live independently; It’s up to me to educate people where possible.
  • Repeat the new thought at least three times every time you catch yourself having a negative one. You can’t repeat it too often, the more the better. It’s basically brainwashing yourself in a positive way to change limiting beliefs. It works over time and can change your life.

There are no side effects and it can save a ton of your energy. As ever, don’t take my word for this, try it out for yourself. Enjoy!




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