Una's Blog

by Una Hearne.

So you lost your job, have been in an abusive relationship, are in debt, might lose the house, are facing serious illness, lost a loved one. Sometimes life throws you a big nasty. None of us are exempt.

And all you need when you are experiencing one of these is to have some ar**hole come up to you when you are still reeling and tell you ‘Every experience is a gift, you should try to find the good in this.’ Slap face.

It is ridiculous when in the initial stages of dealing with a huge life challenge to try and see the good in it. Just breathe in, breathe out and keep moving forward. That’s enough.

Experiencing difficult times is a normal part of life and growing up and can be extremely painful. And there is always a time when you start to mentally process what has happened, to make sense of it for yourself. You have probably noticed in your life how different people deal with the very same events and situations in entirely different ways. Some people end up being more resilient, resourceful and capable as a result of experience and some become more fearful, bitter and resentful. And here’s the thing, you have the power to choose how you respond.

A lot of how you respond to life events is programmed into you, the way you were brought up, the beliefs you hold and your experiences to date. A lot of our reactions to events are automatic because of our programming. However you always, always have the choice to change or update your attitude, beliefs and responses. This means becoming conscious of what is going on in your own mind and choosing different thoughts if your current ones are not working for you.

Some useful questions to ask yourself when processing difficult situations, when it feels right for you – and not before:

• What assumptions am I making here. (Ask this several times)
• How am I responding? What am I thinking, saying (to myself and others), doing?
• How are my responses working for me?
• What can I learn from this experience?
• Where can I find help?
• Who are the people who are helping and are really there for me?

The bottom line is that there are three great gifts in all of the big nasties.

1. You learn. Learning you can use in your life from this point on.
2. You develop as a person. Each experience requires you to step up your capabilities and gives you greater resilience in your future. You realise how strong you are.
3. You find out who is really there for you and develop deeper connections with people.